James, My Boyfriend is a Werewolf!
by midillu
Summary: The University!Marauders learn something interesting about Remus. In which Sirius is a dork, misunderstandings occur, and how the nicknames are created in a nonmagic universe.
1. Chapter 1

"James," a loud cry erupted from the doorway, as said man jolted awake. Groping for his glasses, his sleep-addled brain managed to identify the voice as that of his flat-mate, one Sirius Black. Failing to locate his glasses, James settled for squinting at his childhood friend, trying to get a grasp of the situation. Sirius approached the bed on unsteady feet, flopping onto the other side and throwing a hand over his eyes, groaning. Judging by the alcohol emanating from his friend, James surmised that it was both very, very late, and very, very early. Neither conclusion putting him in a very pleasant mood.

"What," James managed flatly, still half-asleep. After deciding to attend the same university, the boys had arranged to get their own apartment, within walking distance of the campus. A feat they both primarily attributed to luck. Of course, while they were both attending school for the purpose of learning, Sirius also took the opportunity to attend way too many parties, particularly those that had drinks. Of course, after Sirius and Remus had gotten together, the partying had lessened, but not enough that Sirius wouldn't do his best to get smashed on the weekends. And, with some time and effort, it had become a not uncommon occurrence for the normally rather proper Remus to follow suit.

"James," Sirius tried again, in a more serious tone. "My boyfriend's a werewolf," he confessed, leaning into James as if revealing a particularly scandalous secret.

"You're kidding," James slurred, already drifting back to sleep. It had become common knowledge that a sleepy James was incredibly agreeable towards any news whilst half-asleep. This discovery had, of course, been hugely taken advantage of. The others, namely Sirius, would use that tactic to ease James into the idea that something of his had been broken, damaged, or misplaced- on multiple occasions. So it wasn't unusual for James to disregard something strange in that state.

"Nope, he told me his'self," Sirius slurred back, the mixture of alcohol and sleepiness disturbing his ability to function. James only managed to grunt in acknowledgment before both boys were fast asleep.

* * *

James woke to bright sunlight and something wet on his face. Opening his eyes, he found Sirius draped over his person, openly drooling on his face. Groaning in a fond sort of disgust, he pushed his friend away, wiping his face and crawling out of bed to take care of his hygienic needs. As he brushed his teeth, he thought back to the night before.

It wasn't unusual for Sirius to end up in his bed after partying, the man was a very clingy drunk. However, James always made it a point to try and remember the circumstances. After a couple of incidents in which he had forgotten that they had had a late-night heart-to-heart, which resulted in a very cranky Sirius, James found it in his best interest to remember.

When he thought about it, James could remember Sirius barging into his room, insisting on something, and falling asleep. Nothing too major, though. He hoped. He couldn't quite put his finger on what had been discussed whilst he was half-asleep.

Returning to the bedroom to dress, he found Sirius awake and staring at the ceiling. "James?" His friend asked, not bothering to glance over when James entered the room. He offered a hum in return, pulling a clean shirt over his head. "What am I going to do?"

"About what?" James finally spoke, glancing over his shoulder after he finished dressing, waiting for Sirius to finish his thought.

"About Remus," Sirius whined, and James finally recalled what the man had said, drunk off his arse, in the middle of the night.

"Wait, you were serious?" James was caught off-guard and starting to question his life-choices, particularly when Sirius mumbled an 'I'm always Sirius', just to spite him. "That's not possible," James stated, foolishly assuming that ended the conversation.

"But he told me himself!"

"He looked you in the eye and said 'Sirius, I am a werewolf'?"

"Well, no, but he pretty much said the same thing!"

"And what, exactly, did he say?"

"Well I don't exactly remember, but-" James cut him off with an exasperated sigh.

"You do realize how ridiculous you sound, don't you?"

"But I really don't know what to do, my Moony has been hurting all this time, and-"

"You don't hear yourself," James mumbled under his breath, before cutting Sirius off once more. "Wait, 'Moony'?" He asked, incredulous. Sirius blushed.

"Well, I was thinkin' 'bout the whole werewolf thing, and that stuff revolves around the moon, and then I just..." Sirius drifted off, finally realizing that the more he talked, the deeper the hole he was digging. "But honest, James, it makes sense!"

"And how do you figure that?" James deadpanned.

"Well, he gets awfully moody around the full moon," Sirius counted.

"Pretty sure that's just an occasional thing, completely unrelated to lunar phases." James countered

"And he also gets really tired and feverish around that time," Sirius continued, undeterred.

"Again, unrelated."

"And he's super sensitive to sunlight!"

"Alright, one, that would be a vampire characteristic and not a werewolf one," James pointed out. "And two, I'm pretty sure that's just because Remus loathes the outdoors. Which is another point- aren't werewolves supposed to like, live in the woods and be outdoorsy and stuff?"

"Don't stereotype my boyfriend!" Sirius whined, in an almost protective manner. James could only pinch the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"This is ridiculous. I'm done with this conversation." James muttered, primarily to himself as Sirius had continued to ramble.


	2. Chapter 2

It was barely a week before the subject came up once more, during a lunch outing that James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter were on. Things were going smoothly until Remus got up to take his food back to the kitchen, something about too much salt and garlic, along with some other mutterings that the others didn't quite catch. The second his boyfriend was out of sight, Sirius turned to them and lowered his voice.

"James, I finally remember what he said, and I just want to say I told you so!" His Cheshire grin was unmistakable, and James inwardly groaned. Whatever Sirius was talking about, he knew it would be troublesome.

"What who said?" James asked, refusing to take the bait. Otherwise, they would never get anywhere.

"Remus," Sirius rolled his eyes, pouting slightly, before leaning closer to whisper in his mate's ear. "You know, the werewolf thing?" At that, Peter, who had been quietly observing the interaction, spoke up.

"What are you talking about?" He questioned, just as James groaned.

"Don't encourage him, he's barmy; came home drunk babbling about werewolves." He complained.

"But I was thinking," Sirius continued, completely undeterred. "We should have animals too, that we relate to I mean."

"What like the 'spirit animals' people are always talking about?" Peter asked. James started reminding himself that he did, in fact, care deeply for Sirius, and no, he didn't really want to maim him.

"Yeah!" Sirius' face lit up in excitement, eagerly starting to discuss details with Peter. James did his best to ignore the two, focusing on his sandwich. He lasted all of two minutes before he got sucked back in. "-of course a deer for James-"

"What?" He found himself asking indignantly, causing Peter and Sirius to pause. Sirius flushed, trying to explain himself to his friend before James got too upset.

"I mean, not really like a doe or anything, more like a stag. They're super majestic and really cool to watch, plus they're super nimble and quick, and I mean, they get lots of ladies?" With every word, Sirius had gotten a little quieter, and he finished weakly. James gave him a thoughtful look, before shrugging.

"Alright, guess that's fine," he relented, much to Sirius' relief. "But you're a dog. Loyal to a fault, contagiously happy and outgoing, and overly protective of your friends and family." Satisfied, James finally returned to his lunch, ignoring any response Sirius may have given. After a bit more discussing, the two appeared to be satisfied, going back to their own food, just in time for Remus to return.

"Figure things out?" Sirius asked, with a quick peck to his boyfriend's cheek.

"Yeah," Remus mumbled. Regardless of how long they stayed together, the brunette didn't think he'd ever get used to Sirius' casual affection. The table quickly fell silent, everyone able to give their full attention to the food in front of them.

* * *

After that, it was the little things James noticed. Little snippets of dialogue.

 _"...Alright, I'm heading out, Prongs,"_

 _"Prongs, Wormtail won't give me the answers to the homework..."_

 _"You'll never believe what Moony told me today..."_

And then it wasn't just Sirius.

 _"Padfoot's at it again..."_

 _"Prongs, Padfoot said that..."_

 _"Moony's not doing so good today..."_

And before he knew it...

 _"...Alright, I'm heading out, Prongs."_ "Bye."

 _"Prongs, Wormtail won't give me the answers to the homework..."_ "Quit it Pads! You know Wormy won't help you cheat,"

 _"You'll never believe what Moony told me today..."_ "If it's about that one professor, I don't wanna hear it Padfoot,"

 _"Padfoot's at it again..."_ "What did he do this time Worms?"

 _"You'll never believe what Moony told me today..."_ "Quit whining about that teacher! Go to Moony if you want to complain!"

 _"Moony's not doing so good today..."_ "Great, now Padfoot's gonna be all mopey,"

* * *

It took a while for Remus to notice, but once he did, he heard it everywhere. Every time his friends were all together, or when Sirius was telling one of his rambling stories, he would hear these weird names mixed in with their own. He kept hearing it, yet it took him a few weeks before he managed to bring it up.

For his part, James had completely integrated the nicknames unconsciously, without having to think about it. So when Remus brought it up, he was surprised to realize how habitual it had become.

They were in the middle of their weekly game night at Sirius and James' flat, in between rounds of Mario Kart, and Sirius and James were neck and neck for scores.

"-If you hadn't of had that shell-"

"But I did. Besides, you're the sore loser-"

"'Am not! Moony!" Sirius drew out the syllables, and Remus looked up, even though he didn't really understand the nickname.

"What's with the nicknames?" He blurted before he could stop himself. The room seemed to freeze, as Sirius and James shared a glance, and James made some type of shooing motion, disappearing into their kitchenette to refill the snacks. Remus gave Sirius a moment to collect himself but refused to let the subject drop after waiting so long to bring it up.

"What do you mean, Re?" Sirius asked, dodging the question.

"What's with the nicknames?" He repeated, knowing better than to be anything but straightforward. He waited, somewhat patiently, observing his boyfriend's visible discomfort. It took a few minutes, but finally, Sirius managed to speak.

"I know your secret!" The raven blurted, his eyes widening at how blunt his own words had been. Remus was taken aback, unsure of what Sirius was referring to. He hadn't told Sirius about his... there's no way his denser-than-a-rock boyfriend had found out about... no. Not possible.

"What are you talking about?" One eyebrow slowly lifted, revealing none of his internal turmoil.

Sirius took one deep breath, closed his eyes, and- "I know that you're a werewolf!" A hand clapped over his mouth, and it took Sirius a second to realize that it was his own. He winced, before slowly looking up at his beloved boyfriend, who was... laughing?

The look of disbelief on his love's face only caused Remus to laugh harder, tears welling up in the corners of his eyes. At the sound, James and Peter reappeared, trying to gauge what had happened. It took a minute for Remus to calm himself enough to ask for an explanation, one that he snickered through as he heard the bogus conclusions that the others had come up with, leading up to the creation of the nicknames.

It was at that point that Remus had to stop his delightfully daft boyfriend. It took holding both of Sirius' hands in order to fully get his attention, and stop the rambling that the story had turned into.

"Sirius," Remus spoke clearly, trying to force the laughter away, not quite succeeding. "I am _not_ a werewolf."

"You're not?" Sirius squeaked, as James and Peter had the gall to look surprised. "B-but the joint-pain you're always complaining about, always avoiding sunlight- all the chocolate! The chunks of hair that go missing sometimes, and how cranky you get in the middle of the month!"

Remus had to commend his boyfriend on his observations, even as he watched Peter piece things together. He gave his blond friend a nod of confirmation, as he tried to recapture his boyfriend's attention once more.

"Sirius!" A raven head snapped up to look him in the eyes once more. "I'm not a werewolf, love," he spoke softly, gently brushing the hair out of Sirius' eyes, and meeting the gaze of his other two mates, gaining strength from each of them before he spoke again.

"I have lupus."

* * *

It took two seconds before Sirius and James were getting a full informational rundown from Remus and Peter

Two days before Sirius started micromanaging Remus' diet, overbearing in his attempt to try and ease his boyfriend's discomfort.

Two weeks before Remus managed to get Sirius to back off, resorting instead to more outlandish ways of helping Remus.

Two months before they figured out a rhythm, one that allowed Sirius to help without Remus feeling overwhelmed and cranky.

One year before they finally got married, in a quaint little chapel that appeased their subtle sense of tradition, but with an afterparty that left everyone more smashed than they cared to remember.

And even after ten, twenty, thirty years, they were still doing just fine.


End file.
